Ha ha, I wonder why you picked that one?
All kidding aside, yes I have. I constantly have to prove myself on a daily basis, as I am very self-critical and full of self-doubt. I have to work a lot in order to overcome that doubt in order to provide content and to prove to myself that what I’m doing is not aimless, and all of this will have a purpose one day.
Being a woman in fandoms that are traditionally dominated by men means I am constantly subjected to litmus tests, in order to prove my worth and that I know what I’m talking about.
I think my experience in this regard is best summed up by Veronica Corningstone: “[…] Women ask me how I put up with it. Well, the truth is, I don’t really have a choice. This is definitely a man’s world. But while they’re laughing and carrying on, I’m chasing down leads and practicing my non-regional diction. Because the only way to win is to be the best.”
If there’s one good thing about constantly having to prove myself, it’s that it’s led me to hone my skills in order to be highly competitive. I seem to function best when there’s a chip on my shoulder, in order to prove that I am qualified for something, and I am not a series of stereotypes that you’ve pigeonholed me into.
So being the only active woman in a group of male RPers means I had to spend hours working on my writing and graphic making skills in order to stand out, and to show that I deserved my place in the group.
And yes, I have been like Helena in that regard. as she constantly demonstrates her loyalty and self-worth to others, but most of all to herself. Like her, I sometimes find myself trying too hard as well.
So yeah, to bring this to a close, as a woman, and a woman of color, I find myself having to prove myself constantly, but the biggest and most critical voice is my own, as I find myself internalizing a lot of those criticisms and swimming upstream against them. But life has no meaning if you don’t struggle, and I’m sure all of this will have a purpose and help me out in the long run.